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I want a girlfriend. But, I don't really want a girlfriend. I just want one for the holidays. Let's recognize something. The holidays suck, especially for us single people. All of your coupled friends are going to be doing couple things: snuggling by the fire, going to dinner at each others' parents houses, blahblahbarf.

Let's recognize another thing. Deep down inside, you don't want to be alone for the holidays. You want someone to do all of those cute snuggly things with, someone to get fat and keep warm next to, and someone to accompany you to your friends' coupley holiday parties so they don't keep thinking you're a loser destined for permanent solo status.

And even if you did, you're not really sure you'd want to keep him after the holidays are over, anyway. The solution: Be my girlfriend for the holidays. And only for the holidays. How it works: You reply with a picture and a brief bio. If it seems like a good fit we'll set up a casual mini-date coffee, beer, or whatever. If that's a success and we're both feeling it, we'll date until. After that we can still be friends unless we hate each other, then we can downshift to the occasional drunken booty. Did I mention I'm an excellent cuddler?

Especially for others. Nothing too fancy, but always tasty and satisfying. As long as you're an omnivore, you win. Same goes for wine cellars and beer coolers. Homemade winter warmers? Me too. Seeing as every other establishment or event you step into will be playing it, I'll spare you the excess. Let's wear gaudy holiday attire and make ridiculous Xmas postcards to send your friends and family.

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